Shoulders Shaking
by MakeMeCrazier
Summary: And I keep breaking you every time I walk away, every time I scream at you. I know no one else could see it, but you wince with your eyes. Not your shoulders, or your voice. Your eyes. One-Shot.


**Author's Note: Extremely OOC. Hope you like it though. One-shot.**

**Shoulders Shaking**

You walked through the cafeteria doors, and we bickered. In every single one of our fights, I notice something different and better about you, giving me all the reason to stay angry, to walk away, and to continue it.

"I hate you," you said harshly, as we stood there in the cafeteria. Too bad I saw right through it. You and I, or at least I, know that you feel completely opposite of that. Because in your eyes, they had that stupid silver speck.

"Hm," I smirked. "The feeling's mutual."

And I was about to turn away, so that I could leave, so that I could just tell myself, that it wouldn't work. But the silver speck in your eye is wiped away, and covered with water. You're not crying, but you know how to disguise it well. It's almost as if you believed me. Funny, I always thought you knew how I felt; I thought you understood. But I was wrong, because you took my wrist harshly, and turned me back so that I was facing your angry, glared face. And for the first time, I saw it. I saw the hate in your eyes, and I gasped loudly, forgetting that you were in front of me, forgetting to breathe. I was so sure of myself. I was so sure that you felt the same way… But I returned the look of hate with the best of my ability and snapped away from your touch, before I could let it begin to linger in my thoughts.

I walked away from you, I walked back to my life that has no love.

I, Sonny Munroe, am terrified. I've heard of every heartbreak possibly known, and I cried so hard for each and every one of the experiences. But this gave me reassurance. I'm never allowing love. I don't know if I love you, I know that you love me though. And I keep breaking you every time I walk away, every time I scream at you. I know no one else could see it, but you wince with your eyes. Not your shoulders, or your voice. Your eyes had a little change of color every time. You surprised me though, on that one day.

"Sonny!" You call my name out as I'm almost on set for my show. I turn around and I see you at a stage I never wanted to see you at.

The whole, I'm terrified of love thing is so cliché, I know it is. But I didn't choose my fear. I wanted to return my whole world right back to him, but I was more selfish than him, surprisingly. I don't want to end up sobbing so that I shake, or going into shock because of the fact that I just can't believe whatever happened, happened. I know the common scenarios. Cheating, betrayal, ending because it has to, death, and even abuse. But, I never thought that something so small, would cause my shoulders to shake, but not any tears to come out. I never knew you could break my heart without trying in the slightest way.

So when I saw you standing there, with a look of hope but sadness wiped across your face. It broke my heart, because you wanted me. You were going to ask, and you did know I felt the same way, but I had to turn it down. You would start small, say 'Just one date, that's all.', and I may or may have not agreed. If I do, I'll end up falling and soon enough, I don't know how long…But soon enough, after every minute, day, week, month, it would be one day, week, month, year, closer to heartbreak. One minute closer to that moment when I'd be shaking.

But I never thought it'd be before anything happened. You didn't ask. You couldn't ask.

Before I could even give a snide remark…it happened. My eyes watered… It wasn't the first time my eyes watered, but it was the first time they watered because of love. You stood there confused, thinking you did nothing wrong. But you did.

You let me break your heart slowly. And I must've forgotten all this time, that your heart is also mine.

You put your arm around me, and lead me away from where I was standing. I began to object…I had a show to do.

"She's not going to do the show, she just found out her grandmother died in Wisconsin." You lie for me telling Marshall. It wasn't hard, I was crying already. Marshall looks at me shocked, and I just nod and cry a little bit more for the sake of acting. He says the usual; take some time off, blah, blah, blah. I was more curious to what you would do. You are so predictable, but lately, you blow me off my feet, which isn't supposed to happen, since I _know_ people.

You pass right by my dressing room leaving me even more confused. You're arm is no longer around me. This time your hand is around my wrist, only lightly this time and not as harsh.

"We're going to my dressing room." You say without excitement. Maybe because you know that the last part of your heart will be gone as I tell you I _can't_ be with you. I think that we both know that that's coming up. That's what's going to be brought up in our talk. We'll bring up simple feelings first, instead of love, and then I'll lie with all my might. And you'll either see through it, or believe it.

I sat down on your couch, the tears continuing to pour from my eyes. My shoulders began shaking, and I cover my face with my hands. You sat down next to me, leaning back and you put your arms and hands on my shoulders, to stop me from shaking and I slowly stop. My eyes were blurred, but I turned my head to the left and I saw the one thing in your eyes I have never seen before.

"Chad," I managed out through a shaky voice, surprised he was hugging me. Warming me with his touch. That one speckle, had an empty speckle right beside it. He was the same. We were the same.

"You're afraid," We said at the exact same moment. I would've have laughed at something so ironic, but I was still gazing at that speckle in his eyes.

"Mm," You rested your chin on my shoulder and I turned my head so that I placed my cheek on your hair. "We're all afraid Sonny. And I know that you are too."

"But I'm scared Chad," I disagree with you. "You may have the strength to say that I'm worth getting over the fear, but I don't. I'm sorry about that, but at the same time I'm not. I'm not going to risk myself." I can't believe I just told you. I can't believe those words came out of my mouth, there all true of course, but I never told anyone that.

You don't say anything though, you're head is no longer on my shoulder, and your arms are now in front of you on your lap. You brush your hands together repeatedly. I expect you to just walk out, I expect to hear the shatter of your heart. I stuck to my plan, but honestly I think I broke my own heart.

"It's a little too late for that Sonny…" You say after 10 minutes of silence. "My heart is already broken, but not because of today. It broke the day I started caring. You may have a vow to never love, but I had a vow to never care. I built walls, just like you, so that I couldn't get hurt. So if you're thinking that you broke my heart, it was already broken, and you know why. I just want you to rebuild it…"

I think about your words, and purse my lips together.

"What was it like?" I ask in a whisper.

"The heartbreak?" You ask me. I nod, not looking at you. I don't even know what I'm staring at…

You inhale sharply, "Terrible." I winced at the fact that you had to discover it. You put your finger under my chin and I turned my head to you as you spoke. "But worth it, definitely worth it."

"It felt like the whole world was destroyed, and I was left alone. But Sonny, I began realizing that, or maybe this is my hopes, that you actually felt the same way. I just, I—" You stuttered, and I'm amazed that you got it. I'm glad that you did understand, but then you surprised me again.

"I need you to tell me how you feel…even if you have to lie, I just need you to build my hopes up, even if they'll be destroyed." You tell me. I freeze because your hand is on top of mine, and you are asking me to overcome my fear.

"Look at me," I turn my head to yours and I look into your eyes of blue.

"I love you, Sonny." I saw that the silver speckle in your eyes multiplied by a million, keeping your eyes blue but you looked so free, like a weight was lifted off of your shoulders.

And I take in what you said. You love me, you do. And it was no surprise to me, but to hear you say it, I automatically responded.

"I love you too." I said, smiling wide. And I gasped. I said it, I loved.

You smiled at me disbelieving, and I'm still in shock and confusion over what I just did.

"You-you did it Sonny…How do you feel?" You wrap your arms around me again, and I sigh peacefully. I allowed it. I allow you.

"I-I feel…" I think for a moment, and I look at your face. And realize you were right. It was worth it, the moment your face was heartbroken, just completely erased from my mind as I saw your face happy. It's like you gave me two hearts, although you would never break either. I love you. I love you, and I'm in love with you.

"I feel okay." There were no words to describe how I feel, so I stuck to okay. I laughed in relief, "I'm okay with it. I'm…I'm okay with this," I put my finger out indicating between me and you. "I'm okay with…love." You smile that dazzling smile, and I look in your eyes.

"I love you." I repeat confidently this time.

"I love you too." You say and your soft lips touch mine, and that's when I let you in. I let you disobey the one rule that I was supposed to follow. But the same rule, I don't regret breaking.


End file.
